99% never going to happen, but I'm thinking about it anyway
I’m actually considering marrying someone to help them get their green card.
Some of the best advice I have ever gotten was from a friend’s boyfriend this past July. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but strange situations keep developing and his words come to mind:
If you marry someone for their benefit, do it because you really love them, and would marry them anyway. Either that, or marry someone you don’t care about at all.
…Or some shit like that. But it was completely applicable to the situation of someone close to me. Person A was getting married to Person B so that B could get stay in the country. A and B had also been in (what I think was) an extremely short relationship, and I doubt they would ever get married without an expired visa hanging over their heads. On paper, marriage is merely an institution, and only takes on the meaning it’s given. The fact that Person A tried to justify their decisions by saying “we’re doing it for love” meant they were screwed from the start. Not that I’m cynical or anything. God I hope they never see this…
Anyway, that being said, hell no, I’m not considering marrying my illegal-immigrant boyfriend. I’m considering marrying someone I love a lot, and trust completely. Even if I wouldn’t marry them under any other circumstances… My best friend.
There is a 99.9% chance this will never happen, but if she seriously asked me to, and it were 3 years from now, there’s a 99% chance I’d say yes. I love this girl, but I’d be marrying her so that she’d be able to achieve the things she wants to do more easily. Of course ‘easily’ is a little exaggerated. The process is far from. But, whatever. Today I seriously thought about it for the first time. I’m just happy to have someone I care about that much, thousands of miles away, but still in my life.
“All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his.”—
My mother was the first person I ever truly loved. As a child, I emulated her. Now I do without even trying. My voice, my laugh, the dimples I have when I smile. All hers.
Without them, we’re nearly nothing alike. And I still love my mother as much as ever. Even if I can’t live with her. Even when she disappoints me. Even if we communicate best through email— Better than in person or over the phone.
But the catch is, you could never tell any of it from observing us together. We’re polite, we smile, we talk about nothing. And I realized today we’ve both become extremely adept at the same act.
So ignoring the second half of the quote, Wilde was right. As far as I thought I was from being my mother, part of her has been ingrained in me after all.